We delved into this in a broader perspective in last week’s tip - see below.
Do you remember the three areas in which we can search for “THE COMMON GROUND-NESS ”!!!!
EXPERIENCES, ENTHUSIASM and BELIEFS.
Let’s now take a look at the power house behind them all.
· BELIEFS
We usually tend to like people who see the world the same as we do. A bit of challenge is fine, maybe even a good thing, but first and foremost it is good to know that we are starting from the same principles.
Some of the beliefs we hold are pretty weak. I might believe that WEEKEND HUSTLER will win the Melbourne Cup and THE CAT EMPIRE are an outstanding and extremely talented band. If you agree with me then you are clearly a very intelligent person with a bright future ahead of you! He he...
If you disagree and think EFFICIENT will win and that whilst The Cat Empire are ok after a few beers they certainly are not an OUSTANDING BAND, that is ok too, so long as you can give me a good debate and are happy with a difference in view.
Direct disagreement with any of my stronger views carries a serious risk that I won’t like you as much. Think about it, has this ever happened to you? A healthy challenge on who will win The Melbourne Cup may be fine, yet if you disagree with me about whether a person can’t change their mindset to get their goals or whether it’s our duty to protect the environment, then I am much less inclined to feel connected to you. So, when we do disagree with someone we want to like us, it can pay to keep our views to ourselves at times.
TIP – This is probably going a bit far (deliberately) yet next time you are about to say “No but....” try instead “That’s interesting...” and go silent or “Yes and...”. You may well find some of those difficult conversations become much easier and you can connect even more – that’s if you want to.
EXPERIENCES, ENTHUSIASM and BELIEFS.
Let’s now take a look at the power house behind them all.
· BELIEFS
We usually tend to like people who see the world the same as we do. A bit of challenge is fine, maybe even a good thing, but first and foremost it is good to know that we are starting from the same principles.
Some of the beliefs we hold are pretty weak. I might believe that WEEKEND HUSTLER will win the Melbourne Cup and THE CAT EMPIRE are an outstanding and extremely talented band. If you agree with me then you are clearly a very intelligent person with a bright future ahead of you! He he...
If you disagree and think EFFICIENT will win and that whilst The Cat Empire are ok after a few beers they certainly are not an OUSTANDING BAND, that is ok too, so long as you can give me a good debate and are happy with a difference in view.
Direct disagreement with any of my stronger views carries a serious risk that I won’t like you as much. Think about it, has this ever happened to you? A healthy challenge on who will win The Melbourne Cup may be fine, yet if you disagree with me about whether a person can’t change their mindset to get their goals or whether it’s our duty to protect the environment, then I am much less inclined to feel connected to you. So, when we do disagree with someone we want to like us, it can pay to keep our views to ourselves at times.
TIP – This is probably going a bit far (deliberately) yet next time you are about to say “No but....” try instead “That’s interesting...” and go silent or “Yes and...”. You may well find some of those difficult conversations become much easier and you can connect even more – that’s if you want to.
Let us know your thoughts, sharings and suggestions...share share.. on the "add comments below"!
With refreshing regards
Sam
Posts
2 comments:
Hi Sam, this is so true and seems simple really but I have not put any thought into these areas before. If I think about the people I connect with then there definately is common ground we share and less connection with those who see things differently especially with my stronger views. I know I will use "that's interesting" thanks for this tip.
By the way as the grand daughter of a former jockey and horse trainer (and a very intelligent person with a bright future ahead of me) another good tip the Hustler..... Thanks Donna.
Fantastic Donna, thanks for the feedback and so awesome to know you are soaking this up - please feel free to add and share what works best for you too. That's what this blog is all about. Sharing, contributing and building up great friends.
Sam
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