CONNECT - COMMON GROUND-NESS

Often a sense/feeling of “I really like that person” or “I feel like I’ve know you for ages” comes from shared connections, and so when we want someone to like us, we try to find something in common.

If we look at this in a broader perspective, then there are three areas in which we can search for “THE COMMON GROUND-NESS ”!!!!
Introducing THE POWER TOOLS- EXPERIENCES, ENTHUSIASM and BELIEFS.


Experiences

“What plans have you got for the weekend?” asks your spritely hairdresser, as they wrap the cloak around your neck and start to comb your hair. If there was some kinda international curriculum for hair stylists this universal conversation opener has just gotta be in the first lesson. Why? Because it works, does it not! Think about it! The chances are you will recall who you are meeting, where, when, what you will be doing will give them a heap of ways to start connecting (there are so many ways they can weave the conversation as you have loaded them up with criteria to start talking for probably the next YEAR!!!!) If they can’t find any connection then I find there is always the good old trusty one liner “ Soooo....where are you going on your holidays?”

Experiences are a great place to start to search the common ground because we all have them and we usually have quite a few that are shared.

The trouble is that not all common experiences are equal.

The more exclusive the shared experience is to the both of you the more likely it is to help us build a connection, and the greater chances that person will feel warm towards you as a result.

Knowing people in common is a HUGE connection builder too ( it suggests that we live/work in similar worlds and may share same beliefs)


Enthusiasms

Most of us have something that we are enthusiastic about and could talk about for ages. When we find someone who shares our interests, or at least is eager to find out more, we are inclined to get excited and feel good towards them.

People are generally more positive when they are talking and being listened to rather than the other way round. We would love to know if you agree with us here? -Feel free to comment below.

I started learning all about AFL football (for those of you in the UK – Google it) so that I would have something to get excited and talk about with my hubbi when we first met, (this is his biggest sporting passion). It was a great way to grow closer to him and plus learn and grow myself too in an area unknown to me . Worked a treat hey!

If you want to be injected with the power of even more “human connection tips” then stay tuned for next week’s – This one holds the most POWER and really is the difference that makes the difference! –BELEIFS!

TIP – A great way to stay connected with people (family, friends, work colleagues etc, plus learn tips/tools/techniques PLUS share opinions is to read and write on blogs you are interested in, or create your own. FEEL FREE TO CONNECT WITH US, WE WOULD LOVE TO KNOW WHAT’S TICKING IN YOUR HEAD!

Looking forward to hearing your REFRESHING opinions!

CONNECT - STRIKE UP A MATCH!

A group of your mates are drinking at a bar. One person goes for their glass and starts to sip their drink. Unaware that they have been unconsciously prompted, so does everyone else!!! Have you ever noticed that? Now you are aware, I trust you will! The managing director leans forwards and rests his arms on the desk then smiles. All the other directors round the table move in some way too!

These behavioural patterns and others like them happen around the world 24/7. It has become almost automatic that when two people like each other or one want to be liked by the other, they will copy each other in some way. Check this out now you are aware of it! This is known as matching and, like shifting our drifting (mentioned in last weeks blog) it is a simple and effective way to help us connect with people.

Matching and Mirroring – is pretty much copying the other person. Someone raises their glass so does everyone else. Your boss uses her left arm to make an important point and you use your left arm as you explain to her that you agree. Head tilting, sighing, leaning backwards, smiling, crossing legs, copying voice tone ...the list goes on.
Mirroring is like matching only instead you reflect what the other person is doing, this is just as powerful.

Interesting point....

When NEIGHBOURS “took off” in England, fans like myself (hmmm, not sure if that’s a good thing for you to know!) found that we were going up at the end of our sentences, so it sounded like a question. It went form “I really love neighbours!” to “I really love neighbours?”

Why do YOU need to know this then?....
Facts

When we are matching each other we tend to get along better – better relationships with your colleague, boss, wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, potential b’friend, g’friend, daughter, son, mother in law!!!!! Are you starting to see how powerful this really is!!!

Yawning is infectious (so is laughter) – go ahead and see what happens...

When we disagree we are more sympathetic when the other person matches us – whether consciously or not (usually not) when we are connecting with someone or keen to get on with them, we adopt similar postures and movements. When this happens the other person is more likely to assume that our thoughts and emotions are similar so they tend to feel warmer towards us, almost regardless of what we are actually saying.

FIVE TOP TIPS ON MATCHING

1. For goodness sake - be subtle. Overdoing it is killing it!!
2. Practise with one element at a time, say head movement or voice tempo.
3. Matching when you disagree will feel uncomfortable at first but it is well worth pursuing.
4. Stand back and watch other people doing it. Once you start to spot it automatically then you will find it so much easier to do it yourself.
5. Try switching from following (copying) to leading ( once you have connected) in a conversation and notice the difference.

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THIS SECTION IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO LUUURVE THE BACK UP TO THE FACTS...for anyone that is not interested save this article/check out our website www.letsrefresh.com.au . Now go and enjoy your week right now!

· A study by the psychologist Frank Bernieri, researched young couples who spent ten minutes trying to teach one another a set of made-up words and their definitions. Analysis of their interactions showed that those pairs whose movements were in greatest synchronicity also felt the strongest emotional connection with each other.

· Robert Provine conducted an intriguing study of facial mimicry. He noted that, in humans, yawning is infectious and found clear evidence that, beginning in infancy, yawns are generated by seeing someone else yawn. Six years later, Provine demonstrated that laughter is equally contagious, which explains why TV comedy shows add in laughter cues!


Stay tuned for our last tip in connecting - Are we on common ground? / and feel free to subscribe to our swanky REFRESHER newsletter


Have an awesome week lovelies and remember...

Change isn’t by chance...it’s by choice.


With refreshing regards

SAM - Peace out!

CONNECT - with people RIGHT NOW!

CONNECT
http://www.letsrefresh.com.au
The new boss. Your best mates new partner. An alluring stranger at a party. There are times when we desperately want to make a good first impression. Considering it takes around 10 seconds for a person to make a full judgement and opinion of you, wouldn’t you want to know how to strike a match instantly?

The phrase “staircase moment” describes that feeling as we walk away down the stairs, and think exactly what we could of said, only 3 minutes too late! It’s best mate is the “shower moment” when we are washing our hair and some even better replies pop into our head – we may tell ourselves “THAT’S A GREAT ONE, I’ll remember that for next time” !!!!

If there was a magic medicine that blasted the staircase and shower moments for ever and made your day consistently attractive and super popular, would you take it?
Hmmm..unfortunately I’m not aware if this exists, yet for the next best thing read on. Remember – to know but not to do, is not yet to know!

How to connect even more – TIP 1

Virtually the only common factor among people who are widely liked is that they make the other person feel special, as if they are the only person that matters in the world. Has that ever happened to you? If so, I’m guessing that you got on pretty well with them!
In order to build powerful rapport and connect with people we need to give them our full attention. Here are some useful tips to keep you alert and connected.

1. Stay Alert - What do you get back as soon as you’ve realised that your mind has drifted off? That’s right, ATTENTION! The most important technique for building rapport with someone is maintaining focus – LISTENING – that means listen to the other person without judging or commenting on what they are saying, and it’s not as easy as it sounds!
We talk at between 120 and 150 words per minute yet can listen up to 1,200 words per minute! It is no surprise that with all that listening capacity we get easily distracted and bored.

2. Give them the benefit –our challenge, if we chose to accept it is to unlock the interesting side of every person we talk with.

3. Listen without prejudice – real listening requires putting aside our prejudices and preconceptions until we have collected all the information that we want.

4. Get involved – when we are part of the action then it’s much easier to stay switched on. You could ask e.g. what happened? how did that feel? what did you see?
Set yourself a challenge – choose a topic they have spoken about and then summarise it in 10 points. Share your insights with them, which will demonstrate how actively you have been listening and is sure to make them feel great too (and great about you!)

5. Spot drifting early – we all know what it feels like when we drift – the more aware you are about your drifting patterns the easier you can switch back to alert!

Stay tuned for how to strike a match next week!

Have an awesome week and remember...

Change isn’t by chance...it’s by choice.

GO GO

SAM :-)