These behavioural patterns and others like them happen around the world 24/7. It has become almost automatic that when two people like each other or one want to be liked by the other, they will copy each other in some way. Check this out now you are aware of it! This is known as matching and, like shifting our drifting (mentioned in last weeks blog) it is a simple and effective way to help us connect with people.
Matching and Mirroring – is pretty much copying the other person. Someone raises their glass so does everyone else. Your boss uses her left arm to make an important point and you use your left arm as you explain to her that you agree. Head tilting, sighing, leaning backwards, smiling, crossing legs, copying voice tone ...the list goes on.
Mirroring is like matching only instead you reflect what the other person is doing, this is just as powerful.
Interesting point....
When NEIGHBOURS “took off” in England, fans like myself (hmmm, not sure if that’s a good thing for you to know!) found that we were going up at the end of our sentences, so it sounded like a question. It went form “I really love neighbours!” to “I really love neighbours?”
Why do YOU need to know this then?....
Facts
When we are matching each other we tend to get along better – better relationships with your colleague, boss, wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, potential b’friend, g’friend, daughter, son, mother in law!!!!! Are you starting to see how powerful this really is!!!
Yawning is infectious (so is laughter) – go ahead and see what happens...
When we disagree we are more sympathetic when the other person matches us – whether consciously or not (usually not) when we are connecting with someone or keen to get on with them, we adopt similar postures and movements. When this happens the other person is more likely to assume that our thoughts and emotions are similar so they tend to feel warmer towards us, almost regardless of what we are actually saying.
FIVE TOP TIPS ON MATCHING
1. For goodness sake - be subtle. Overdoing it is killing it!!
2. Practise with one element at a time, say head movement or voice tempo.
3. Matching when you disagree will feel uncomfortable at first but it is well worth pursuing.
4. Stand back and watch other people doing it. Once you start to spot it automatically then you will find it so much easier to do it yourself.
5. Try switching from following (copying) to leading ( once you have connected) in a conversation and notice the difference.
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THIS SECTION IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO LUUURVE THE BACK UP TO THE FACTS...for anyone that is not interested save this article/check out our website www.letsrefresh.com.au . Now go and enjoy your week right now!
· A study by the psychologist Frank Bernieri, researched young couples who spent ten minutes trying to teach one another a set of made-up words and their definitions. Analysis of their interactions showed that those pairs whose movements were in greatest synchronicity also felt the strongest emotional connection with each other.
· Robert Provine conducted an intriguing study of facial mimicry. He noted that, in humans, yawning is infectious and found clear evidence that, beginning in infancy, yawns are generated by seeing someone else yawn. Six years later, Provine demonstrated that laughter is equally contagious, which explains why TV comedy shows add in laughter cues!
Stay tuned for our last tip in connecting - Are we on common ground? / and feel free to subscribe to our swanky REFRESHER newsletter
Have an awesome week lovelies and remember...
Change isn’t by chance...it’s by choice.
With refreshing regards
SAM - Peace out!
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